All is Well for the Whistlers!

Cup'u mela kaiya vecha. . . 
Thakali kondae puduvaen! 

Aadra Bravo Aadra!

So, the buzz all around the country is not about Petrol price hike or BJP's national meet up or drafting Jan Lokpal. It is all about IPL and the controversies. Oh yeah! India's favorite game was Cricket, it is and it always will be. Especially, Indian Premiere League. Even a farmer's son or a fisherman's daughter at some nook countryside now happily watches Cricket. They don't complain about those classic shots of Dravid and Laxman, without scoring a run even after a couple of spells in Test matches, which they feel as "so boring". We can't blame those kids. With those minimal knowledge about cricket and it's classics, obviously the great Dravid, himself is the poorest hitter of the ball FOR THEM. But IPL?! Arey! It gives the maximum entertainment to them. They can see sixes flying to every possible corner of the stadium. That's what they want. That's plain justice, after all!

There's a talk about how IPL brings in separation among the regional residents of the country. It happens. Manchester has two clubs and respective fans with ever burning rivalry. But when it comes to FIFA World Cup, everyone prays for England. That is the rule of sports and faith. When there comes a national cricket match, it is obvious these people gonna love and support their most hated guy of that year's IPL season, when he wins a match for India. This is natural. And also, the intake of those foreign lads, will surely help our youngsters to get maximum exposure and experience. Take it.

Okay! Now coming to the heroes of IPL. Ah! Everyone knows who they are. "Idhu Chennai.. Chennai.. Super Kings" is their anthem. "WhistlePodu" is their enchanting spell. And their one and only motto is "Giving the ultimate fun to people, who pay to watch them playing". That is the moral and spirit of sports. And these guys are the best in them. So, what makes them the "Heroes of IPL"? Why do they always win? What makes them keep going? We'll take a quick ride into their game-book.

They never care whether they win the toss or not. Because they have Openers, Middle Order Batsmen, Tail-enders, Sloggers, Pacers, Medium Pacers, Slow bowlers, Off Spinners, Leg Spinners, Carrom bowlers, Keeper, anytime/anyplace fielders. Oh wait! That's what a team can get. But these men got all this in their every playing squad. Gosh!

Hussey or Plessis opens up with Vijay. They show some fireworks. The opposition fears and trembles. Now, even if someone gets out, Raina comes in. He's one of the best hitter in this format of the game. So, again the opposition gets shaken. Okay! After a great hardwork, they remove him too(Remember? Still one of the openers is still on). Now, there comes a man who shakes the whole stadium. Even without Indian Air Force's permission, he often flies Helicopter in Indian Air Space. A bit atrocious towards the opposition, but always adorable and cool-headed with the team and the fans. Now, someone loses their wicket. Three gone! Wait. Why fear, when Badrinath is there? That man anchors himself on one side of the pitch. By now, some 10 overs would have been over.

Let us presume that again a wicket falls. This Caribbean Bravo comes in. And plays such that we get confused whether we are chanting his name or appreciating him. Hail their parents, who named him. Bravo! Assuming another wicket falls, this machine from some Africa comes in. That's all! By this time the bowlers were atleast trying to contain the batsmen. From now, its a myth. A movie dialogue "Eppadi potaalum adikiraan da" will run inside all Tamil fans cheering around. By this time, 17-18 overs would have been bowled. Now, if a wicket falls, the other team thinks everything is over. Ah! Jadeja comes in. This is a dangerous man. He plays seldom, but on his day, he is the master. Even if he gets out, the local darling Ashwin hits boundaries and sixes. Wait! That's 9 of them. So CSK has nine batsmen, huh?! Holy!

Now they come to bowl. Hilfenhaus or Bollinger takes the ball, By that time itself, the batsman would have got butterflies in his stomach. As presumed, wickets will fall. Albie will rout some sticks in the next over. This goes. Bravo joins in the attack with that natural Caribbean hotness. Wait! Take three steps back. No! This isn't a fast bowler. This is just a spinner, Ashwin! Bowling the very first over. Has the captain gone mad?! On what note, does he ask a spinner to bowl the first over when a world class opener is striking? During all our silly doubts and chaos, a wicket falls like a plum! The local boy would have stroke!  That is the power of the captain and his boys.

Jakati or Yo Mahesh are the other locals, who kill few wickets, while those foreign lads send the batsmen, back to their dressing room every now and then. Between this, Raina, Jadeja, and everyone in the team bowls at different matches. So how many bowlers do you have? Oh! And asusual, irrespective of whether this CSK bats or bowls, they almost take the match to the last ball, just to make the BP raise, Pulse get heavier and beating, we forget to breathe, sweat glands secrete and atlast they present a visual treat, that their Captain rout a stick and walk towards pavilion, looking high with pride. This is what CSK is all about. Just Winning.

Amidst all those Match Fixing controversies and money washing, something is for sure. Every sensible man knows that a team can't continuously win just by a pre-written script or spot fixing. Even a kid, playing at our street end, will know this fact. The other teams fans will complain, complain and keep on complaining, while this yellow freaks keep on winning the title.

5 times Semi finalists 3 times Finalists 2 times Champions, with that one final remaining will add up to the stats for sure in IPL. 1 time Champion in CLT20. 

So Team Chennai and their fans.. Just #raiseyourhands and kaadhu kizhiyara maari oru #whistlepodu for this all time favorites and roaring Kings of the tournament. They are the best T20 side in the whole cricketing world. No doubts.

P.S. : Those who hate CSK, remember something. It doesn't matter who hates who. It just matters who fcuks who. You are all already fcuked badly, LOSERS!

Machi.. Open The Bottle!

:A Soup Boy Story:

Those flowers never bloomed

   Hand la Glass-u..Glass la Scothch-u..Eyes full aah Tear-u..!!

Heard it somewhere? Yeah! Verses from “Kolaveri – A Soup Boy’s song”

This is an orthodox soup boy story. He’s Sudalai Muthu a.k.a Muthu, my school friend. Now, he is an engineering student. The blanks of his school days were all filled up only by a girl, Jennifer a.k.a Jenny.

This is a typical love story, the Indian cinema usually portrays. Like those heroes. Our hero also followed few things as routine in life.

His daily routines were as follows :

Ante Meridian (A.M.)

• 6 : 00 – Wakes up from bed

• 6 : 30 – Washes his bicycle

• 6 : 45 – Stands at her street corner

• 6 : 55 – Gets the newspaper from the newspaper boy and delivers it at her house

• 7 : 00 – Again street corner

• 7 : 30 – Carefully dodges, without being caught by her brother who leaves for                          college

• 8 : 00 – Three laps of ride from this end of the street to the other and back to this end, just to check whether she’s out. Amidst that, dodging from her father, who then leaves to his office

• 8 : 30 – The girl wakes up and comes out to the verandah. Our hero’s target achieved. He goes back home to get dressed up

• 9 : 00 – Standing on the way to their school, so to see her coming in her bicycle

• 9 : 25 – She comes with that green ribbon, pink bag, red nail polish, riding on her Ladybird. Our hero smiles as if he’d been given Four Oscars, two in each hand

• 9 : 30 – Rushes to the cycle stand, parks his bicycle and runs to his classroom, however after the long bell

• 11 : 00 – Short Break. Walks in front of her class atleast 10 X 2 times in that 5 minutes

• 11 : 10 – Rushes back to his class, remembering that he hasn’t completed his homework that has to be submitted after the break

• 11 : 15 – Getting caught by his teacher and stands outside the class as a punishment (Even during which, he tries damn hard to get a view of her silhouette from her class that is quarter a mile away from his’

Prime Meridian (P.M.)

• 12 : 30 – Lunch break. Offering his lunch to his classmates and utilizing that time to stand or walk in front of her class besides writing that left out homework and getting it corrected from the same teacher, who is now in Madhu’s classroom

• 3 : 50 – After the long evening bell, running out from the class as the first one, picking up his bicycle and standing in front of school gate (All in Godspeed)

• 4 : 15 – She comes that way with her bicycle and those three regular friends, after all that girly gossips and chats

• 4 : 30 – Riding faster than Lance Armstrong (7 times Tour de’ France champ) and reaching that same street corner before she arrives

• 4 : 35 – She crosses him with a weird look on her face, as if he’s some chain snatcher

• 5 : 30 – Standing in front of a shop that is adjacent to her tuition center

• 5 : 35 – She crosses him again with that weird look

• 8 : 00 – Standing at the same shop front to see her leaving from tuition

• 9 : 00 – Goes back home. Quenches his hunger with those dried idlies that were made 2 hours back. Goes to bed, hearing latest love songs, especially the sad ones

So, this was becoming a routine for two years. After those two long years of wait and desperation, one fine day he gained all courage to go, stand in front of her with all the guts in the world and utter those three words to her. He was rehearsing the proposal, like an insane on road. Oh wait! She’s coming..

He went before her, adjusting his shirt buttons and his well done hair style.

Muthu : Jenny! Haai! This is S.K. Sudalai Muthu. Your school boy. I think you know me.

Jenny : What Muthu? (laughing) Ok. Temme. What?

Muthu : I tell you one thing. Two years waiting. Fearing. Don’t know how telling. Now courage came. So, I came. (Unfortunately, Our hero is ultimately poor in English. Even these words, he learnt from that old Anglo-Indian aunty in his next compound, by paying 225 rubees)

Jenny : Hello. Can you please make it quick? I have lots of work. (Looking him down with contempt)

Muthu : I see you in 6^th std E section. You was so very beautiful. I start to see you there. Daily came to your street, house and tuition. Daily you come in my dreams. When I see you, Ilaiyaraja music going in heart and A R Rahman music running in ears. I don’t know how telling you.. (He stammers)

Jenny : So?                                               

Muthu : I……………. Love You. (Atlast, he said)

Jenny : Huh! What? What do you think of yourself? A hero? You can’t even propose properly. You are a waste. You think I’ll love you? Just get lost. Okay? (She just blasted him out. Thank God, he never understood anything)

Muthu : Sorrynga! Thamizh la solreengala? (Sorry. Can you please say that in Tamil?

Jenny : Get lost. (Saying this she started walking away from him)

Her phone rang. She attended the call and spoke “Machi. Sorry dee. Inga oru loosu en time ah waste panniruchi. Iru vandhudaren” (Buddy. Sorry. Here, a nut wasted my time. Wait for me)

Muthu : (Mindvoice) Adipaavi! Nalla dhaana Tamizh pesaraa?! (Holy! She’s speaking well in Tamil!)

From then, our hero waited desperately in her way many times but she never turned towards him at all. Our hero didn’t have the courage to again approach her too. School also got over. She joined IIT – A. He joined some local engineering college in Chennai. He never saw her again. But even now, he remembers her and often speaks about her. He became a part time poet too. The subject of his poems is always the same. You-know-who!

She’ll be living somewhere, eating Pani Puri or Chukka Roti and dating some nerd with power-glasses like goggles, hairstyle like noodles and a rolling tongue that spits only English. That nerd can never match this idiot, who loved her deep from every organ of his’. She’s really unlucky to have missed him. Now, she will be living just as yet another girl in town. But he’d have taken care of her like a princess.

You know? Every year, on her birthday, he buys SARAKKU for old school friends. Today’s also her birthday. We all came to Pondicherry – Sarakku City. Evening party was ultimate. This divine sarakku only made me remember those days, feel for him and narrate this love story in detail.

Every soup boy's story is divine. Every soup boy is Godly. The heroine is always a Loser (of true love) .

P.S : Sarakku was extraordinary. 2 bottle Beer and 1 Half Whisky. Side-dish : Potato chips and Ravi’s Garlic Ooruga (pickle). Epic.

Hutch-u dog

Ei pulla, I am follow you. 

     With the title "Hutch-u dog" (Yes! I am talking about the same PUG that follows a cute little boy in Hutch a.k.a Vodafone advertisement), most of us would have come to an idea that this post will be based on one-side love. Yes, you are right. You people are  geniuses.! 

     Well, if you haven't guessed anything (in other words, you don't give a damn about this title) and have no idea about what this title has got to do with love and thought this post will be yet another crap. Then sorry for the disturbance. 

Read on and know what's this all about. Padikaama poneenga. Kondae puduvaen (If you don't read, i will kill you only) 

     I know! I know! That's too much of a build-up. Matter mokkaya irundha indha ariya kulandhaiyai mannikavum (If this content is boring, please do forgive this little baby)

One-Side Love

Aim:

            To correct a figure and get a permanent place in her heart.

Apparatus Required:

• Car or bike or at least bicycle. Ada adhuvum illana nadandhu po ya (if that and also no na, then walk and go) 
• Latest model phone ( I-phone preferable) 
• Branded / Burma bazaar glass which is 100% original Fake.

Principle:

• The amount of time you spend, going behind a girl is directly proportional to the amount of attraction you gain from her which is totally a myth. 
• The amount of love you think that you have instated in her heart is actually equal to the amount of irritation she gets whenever she sees you or hears your name.

Story: 

           So far it was build-ups to fill the page like in a 16mark question and the actual content of this post starts here. All of this started years back when I was in school. One of my friends came to me with a huge secret and it went on like this...

(The english translation for words in Tamil are enclosed within brackets)

Friend: Machi, yaaru kitayum solladha da. Romba secret. (Dude! Don't ever tell this to anyone. Top secret) 

Me: Solla maataen da. Matter'a sollu. (i won't disclose it, trust me)

Friend: Mother promise? 

Me: Dei. mother promise da. yaru kitayum solla maataen. (Dude! I swear. I won't tell anyone) 

Friend: Machi, na Pooja'va love panraen da. (Dude! Am in love with Pooja)

Me: *Beep* double side'a machi? Treat eppo? (Wtf?! she accepted your proposal? When is the treat?)

Friend: One side dhan da. Innum propose pannala. (I haven't proposed yet)

Me: Machi, one side lov'vum. Tea kada bun'num onnu da. Morachu paathutae irundha yevanavadhu thookitu poiruvan. (Dude! one-side love and tea stall bread are the same. If you keep staring without buying someone will take it away) 

FYI. that was supposed to be a punch dialogue. With a punch being said, you should not do research on it. Just enjoy it.

Friend: Bayama iruku da. Pudikala nu sollita? (I'm scared. What if she rejects me?)

Me: Freeya vidu. Adhan na irukaen la, I will take the incharge of that. (chill! I'm there for you)

Friend: ok! What next?

Me: Ava pinnadiyae po. Enga ponalum vidadha. Nee love panradu avaluku therinja podhum, easy'a correct panniralam. (Follow her wherever she goes. Once she knows that you are behind her then she will surely fall for you)
Once a great philosopher said,

அஞ்சு மணிக்கு அலாரம் வெச்சு, அலாரம் அடிக்கறதுக்கு முன்னாடிஎழுந்து 

அடிக்கற அலாரம் மத்தவங்களுக்கு கேக்காம நிறுத்தி. 

அப்பா பாக்கெட்ல அஞ்சு பத்துனு ஆட்டைய போட்டுட்டு பைக் எடுத்துட்டு போனா, 

பைக் பாதில நிக்கும். சரின்னு பெட்ரோல் பங்குக்கு போயி அர லிட்டர் பெட்ரோல் போடுங்கன்னு சொன்னா அவன் நம்மல அசிங்கமா பார்ப்பான். அந்த அசிங்கதலாம் தாண்டி பஸ் ஸ்டாண்டுக்கு வந்தாஅங்க நம்மல விட பெர்சனாலிட்டியா ஒருத்தன் நிப்பான்! 

அப்படியே பக்குனு இருக்கும். . . . . . .

-திருவிளையாடல் ஆரம்பம்

   

     Saying that, our hero started with his daily life activity of following her like a HUTCH DOG i.e wherever she goes our hero will be following her (except to ladies toilet). The routine will be like, waking up early in the morning, getting ready and wait at her street corner for her to start to school. Following her, at a 10 feet distance like a body guard and after school's over, escorting her back to her place. During holidays he will be with his bicycle, roaming in her street 10-20 times a day just to see her if she comes outside her house by any chance. This routine happened for 2 years and by that time the girl very well knew about his intentions. Not only the girl, but also the whole school including the Principal knew about this and that's when he got suspended for a month.
     Finally after gaining some guts and rehearsing some 3478 times, he finally proposed her. It was not even close to the rehearsals in toilet. After stammering for about 10 mins, he said "I love you". She laughed at his stupidity, which for a moment he thought to be a sign of her acceptance. She said "It took you so long to tell this? Anyways, that doesn't matter. I don't love you. Stop disturbing me and get lost."
     He was heart-broken and decided not to disturb her for few years and get back to her after she finishes her college and at that time she might understand his love. Not even a month was over, she got committed with some other guy. And it became worse when they broke up and in no time she started going out with some other guy. He wasted his precious life for this "homely slut"? (once a wise man said "Ava aalu illa machi, ITEM")
     The biggest mistake I made was to encourage him just because I would get a treat when he corrects her.  I should have warned him saying, "She is not a homely girl, better you can avoid her" and helped him out of it.

     Not all girls are bad and at the same time it is difficult for everyone to find a GOOD girl. Shit happens! It's part of life.
Moral:
          Neither this story nor the girl in it has MORAL.


Editing Courtesy: The_Scribbler and Ted E Bear