Hutch-u dog

Ei pulla, I am follow you. 

     With the title "Hutch-u dog" (Yes! I am talking about the same PUG that follows a cute little boy in Hutch a.k.a Vodafone advertisement), most of us would have come to an idea that this post will be based on one-side love. Yes, you are right. You people are  geniuses.! 

     Well, if you haven't guessed anything (in other words, you don't give a damn about this title) and have no idea about what this title has got to do with love and thought this post will be yet another crap. Then sorry for the disturbance. 

Read on and know what's this all about. Padikaama poneenga. Kondae puduvaen (If you don't read, i will kill you only) 

     I know! I know! That's too much of a build-up. Matter mokkaya irundha indha ariya kulandhaiyai mannikavum (If this content is boring, please do forgive this little baby)

One-Side Love

Aim:

            To correct a figure and get a permanent place in her heart.

Apparatus Required:

• Car or bike or at least bicycle. Ada adhuvum illana nadandhu po ya (if that and also no na, then walk and go) 
• Latest model phone ( I-phone preferable) 
• Branded / Burma bazaar glass which is 100% original Fake.

Principle:

• The amount of time you spend, going behind a girl is directly proportional to the amount of attraction you gain from her which is totally a myth. 
• The amount of love you think that you have instated in her heart is actually equal to the amount of irritation she gets whenever she sees you or hears your name.

Story: 

           So far it was build-ups to fill the page like in a 16mark question and the actual content of this post starts here. All of this started years back when I was in school. One of my friends came to me with a huge secret and it went on like this...

(The english translation for words in Tamil are enclosed within brackets)

Friend: Machi, yaaru kitayum solladha da. Romba secret. (Dude! Don't ever tell this to anyone. Top secret) 

Me: Solla maataen da. Matter'a sollu. (i won't disclose it, trust me)

Friend: Mother promise? 

Me: Dei. mother promise da. yaru kitayum solla maataen. (Dude! I swear. I won't tell anyone) 

Friend: Machi, na Pooja'va love panraen da. (Dude! Am in love with Pooja)

Me: *Beep* double side'a machi? Treat eppo? (Wtf?! she accepted your proposal? When is the treat?)

Friend: One side dhan da. Innum propose pannala. (I haven't proposed yet)

Me: Machi, one side lov'vum. Tea kada bun'num onnu da. Morachu paathutae irundha yevanavadhu thookitu poiruvan. (Dude! one-side love and tea stall bread are the same. If you keep staring without buying someone will take it away) 

FYI. that was supposed to be a punch dialogue. With a punch being said, you should not do research on it. Just enjoy it.

Friend: Bayama iruku da. Pudikala nu sollita? (I'm scared. What if she rejects me?)

Me: Freeya vidu. Adhan na irukaen la, I will take the incharge of that. (chill! I'm there for you)

Friend: ok! What next?

Me: Ava pinnadiyae po. Enga ponalum vidadha. Nee love panradu avaluku therinja podhum, easy'a correct panniralam. (Follow her wherever she goes. Once she knows that you are behind her then she will surely fall for you)
Once a great philosopher said,

அஞ்சு மணிக்கு அலாரம் வெச்சு, அலாரம் அடிக்கறதுக்கு முன்னாடிஎழுந்து 

அடிக்கற அலாரம் மத்தவங்களுக்கு கேக்காம நிறுத்தி. 

அப்பா பாக்கெட்ல அஞ்சு பத்துனு ஆட்டைய போட்டுட்டு பைக் எடுத்துட்டு போனா, 

பைக் பாதில நிக்கும். சரின்னு பெட்ரோல் பங்குக்கு போயி அர லிட்டர் பெட்ரோல் போடுங்கன்னு சொன்னா அவன் நம்மல அசிங்கமா பார்ப்பான். அந்த அசிங்கதலாம் தாண்டி பஸ் ஸ்டாண்டுக்கு வந்தாஅங்க நம்மல விட பெர்சனாலிட்டியா ஒருத்தன் நிப்பான்! 

அப்படியே பக்குனு இருக்கும். . . . . . .

-திருவிளையாடல் ஆரம்பம்

   

     Saying that, our hero started with his daily life activity of following her like a HUTCH DOG i.e wherever she goes our hero will be following her (except to ladies toilet). The routine will be like, waking up early in the morning, getting ready and wait at her street corner for her to start to school. Following her, at a 10 feet distance like a body guard and after school's over, escorting her back to her place. During holidays he will be with his bicycle, roaming in her street 10-20 times a day just to see her if she comes outside her house by any chance. This routine happened for 2 years and by that time the girl very well knew about his intentions. Not only the girl, but also the whole school including the Principal knew about this and that's when he got suspended for a month.
     Finally after gaining some guts and rehearsing some 3478 times, he finally proposed her. It was not even close to the rehearsals in toilet. After stammering for about 10 mins, he said "I love you". She laughed at his stupidity, which for a moment he thought to be a sign of her acceptance. She said "It took you so long to tell this? Anyways, that doesn't matter. I don't love you. Stop disturbing me and get lost."
     He was heart-broken and decided not to disturb her for few years and get back to her after she finishes her college and at that time she might understand his love. Not even a month was over, she got committed with some other guy. And it became worse when they broke up and in no time she started going out with some other guy. He wasted his precious life for this "homely slut"? (once a wise man said "Ava aalu illa machi, ITEM")
     The biggest mistake I made was to encourage him just because I would get a treat when he corrects her.  I should have warned him saying, "She is not a homely girl, better you can avoid her" and helped him out of it.

     Not all girls are bad and at the same time it is difficult for everyone to find a GOOD girl. Shit happens! It's part of life.
Moral:
          Neither this story nor the girl in it has MORAL.


Editing Courtesy: The_Scribbler and Ted E Bear

Girls (பெண்கள்)

As mentioned earlier, this post is about girls. The topic on "Girls" has been nondi nongu eduthufied (discussed) like a million times by thousands of people and not even a single person has ever come up with  any conclusion regarding this topic. 

Hot Girls (கிளுகிளுப்பான பெண்கள்)

Okay! Now I am gonna divide and analyse the geometry of algebra in the mind set of the girls.

When she is single

             It's easy to find out if a girl is single if she has the following traits

1. She will act like Genelia (Haasini)  in Santhosh Subramaniam (always hyper and jumping here and there)
2. She will always have a boy with her who is Friend-Zoned. 
3. She gives less attention to her make-up. 
4. She will eat anything and everything and never cares about her diet. 
5. She shows attitude with strangers but deep inside the heart she expects people to look at her.
6. When she knows about a guy having crush on her. She wants him to propose her badly and will try hard and make him propose, but chances of accepting his proposal are only 0.01%

When a guy goes behind her

             Every girl secretly wants to be loved but when it happens she will not be ready to accept it. Once again points potu neata alasuvom.

1. The first thing she does will be to increase make-up and maintain proper diet (will turn super hot like the girls in the above pic)
2. She gets close with the boy in the Friend-Zone (he might be expecting something else, but the truth is HE IS BEING USED)
3. She makes new friends just to watch if the guy is coming behind her.
4. Her activity in social networking sites increases exponentially. 
5. She will get a new cat/dog and upload a minimum of 10 to 15 photos per day. 
6. Treat the guy like a Hutch dog and make him follow her everywhere. 

When a girl falls in love

               Now when a girl falls in love (need not be the guy who proposed her) there will be a drastic change in her. Here I will list a few significant points based on experiments by scientists. 

1. The importance to make-up reduces so does the diet. 
2. All the boys she had in the Friend-Zone will be thrown out of her life. 
3. She will remove all her photos from Facebook and have a pic of a baby or a flower as Display picture and it will be impossible to find her online.
4. The dog/cat which she bought during the previous phase would now be replaced by her lover.
5. She will pour too much of love on the guy and make him drown. At a extreme level, the love turns out to be torture.
6. She limits her friend circle and never gets close with a girl hotter than her. 

I can go on and on but the topic will go endless. I want this post to be small and readable. So the other factors will be discussed later in future topics.

P.S. Not all girls are like this. Some are worse.