Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Machi.. Open The Bottle!

:A Soup Boy Story:

Those flowers never bloomed
   Hand la Glass-u..Glass la Scothch-u..Eyes full aah Tear-u..!!
Heard it somewhere? Yeah! Verses from “Kolaveri – A Soup Boy’s song”

This is an orthodox soup boy story. He’s Sudalai Muthu a.k.a Muthu, my school friend. Now, he is an engineering student. The blanks of his school days were all filled up only by a girl, Jennifer a.k.a Jenny.

This is a typical love story, the Indian cinema usually portrays. Like those heroes. Our hero also followed few things as routine in life.

His daily routines were as follows :

Ante Meridian (A.M.)
  • 6 : 00 – Wakes up from bed
  • 6 : 30 – Washes his bicycle
  • 6 : 45 – Stands at her street corner
  • 6 : 55 – Gets the newspaper from the newspaper boy and delivers it at her house
  • 7 : 00 – Again street corner
  • 7 : 30 – Carefully dodges, without being caught by her brother who leaves for                          college
  • 8 : 00 – Three laps of ride from this end of the street to the other and back to this end, just to check whether she’s out. Amidst that, dodging from her father, who then leaves to his office
  • 8 : 30 – The girl wakes up and comes out to the verandah. Our hero’s target achieved. He goes back home to get dressed up
  • 9 : 00 – Standing on the way to their school, so to see her coming in her bicycle
  • 9 : 25 – She comes with that green ribbon, pink bag, red nail polish, riding on her Ladybird. Our hero smiles as if he’d been given Four Oscars, two in each hand
  • 9 : 30 – Rushes to the cycle stand, parks his bicycle and runs to his classroom, however after the long bell
  • 11 : 00 – Short Break. Walks in front of her class atleast 10 X 2 times in that 5 minutes
  • 11 : 10 – Rushes back to his class, remembering that he hasn’t completed his homework that has to be submitted after the break
  • 11 : 15 – Getting caught by his teacher and stands outside the class as a punishment (Even during which, he tries damn hard to get a view of her silhouette from her class that is quarter a mile away from his’
Prime Meridian (P.M.)
  • 12 : 30 – Lunch break. Offering his lunch to his classmates and utilizing that time to stand or walk in front of her class besides writing that left out homework and getting it corrected from the same teacher, who is now in Madhu’s classroom
  • 3 : 50 – After the long evening bell, running out from the class as the first one, picking up his bicycle and standing in front of school gate (All in Godspeed)
  • 4 : 15 – She comes that way with her bicycle and those three regular friends, after all that girly gossips and chats
  • 4 : 30 – Riding faster than Lance Armstrong (7 times Tour de’ France champ) and reaching that same street corner before she arrives
  • 4 : 35 – She crosses him with a weird look on her face, as if he’s some chain snatcher
  • 5 : 30 – Standing in front of a shop that is adjacent to her tuition center
  • 5 : 35 – She crosses him again with that weird look
  • 8 : 00 – Standing at the same shop front to see her leaving from tuition
  • 9 : 00 – Goes back home. Quenches his hunger with those dried idlies that were made 2 hours back. Goes to bed, hearing latest love songs, especially the sad ones

So, this was becoming a routine for two years. After those two long years of wait and desperation, one fine day he gained all courage to go, stand in front of her with all the guts in the world and utter those three words to her. He was rehearsing the proposal, like an insane on road. Oh wait! She’s coming..

He went before her, adjusting his shirt buttons and his well done hair style.

Muthu : Jenny! Haai! This is S.K. Sudalai Muthu. Your school boy. I think you know me.
Jenny : What Muthu? (laughing) Ok. Temme. What?
Muthu : I tell you one thing. Two years waiting. Fearing. Don’t know how telling. Now courage came. So, I came. (Unfortunately, Our hero is ultimately poor in English. Even these words, he learnt from that old Anglo-Indian aunty in his next compound, by paying 225 rubees)
Jenny : Hello. Can you please make it quick? I have lots of work. (Looking him down with contempt)
Muthu : I see you in 6th std E section. You was so very beautiful. I start to see you there. Daily came to your street, house and tuition. Daily you come in my dreams. When I see you, Ilaiyaraja music going in heart and A R Rahman music running in ears. I don’t know how telling you.. (He stammers)
Jenny : So?                                               
Muthu : I……………. Love You. (Atlast, he said)
Jenny : Huh! What? What do you think of yourself? A hero? You can’t even propose properly. You are a waste. You think I’ll love you? Just get lost. Okay? (She just blasted him out. Thank God, he never understood anything)
Muthu : Sorrynga! Thamizh la solreengala? (Sorry. Can you please say that in Tamil?
Jenny : Get lost. (Saying this she started walking away from him)
Her phone rang. She attended the call and spoke “Machi. Sorry dee. Inga oru loosu en time ah waste panniruchi. Iru vandhudaren” (Buddy. Sorry. Here, a nut wasted my time. Wait for me)
Muthu : (Mindvoice) Adipaavi! Nalla dhaana Tamizh pesaraa?! (Holy! She’s speaking well in Tamil!)

From then, our hero waited desperately in her way many times but she never turned towards him at all. Our hero didn’t have the courage to again approach her too. School also got over. She joined IIT – A. He joined some local engineering college in Chennai. He never saw her again. But even now, he remembers her and often speaks about her. He became a part time poet too. The subject of his poems is always the same. You-know-who!

She’ll be living somewhere, eating Pani Puri or Chukka Roti and dating some nerd with power-glasses like goggles, hairstyle like noodles and a rolling tongue that spits only English. That nerd can never match this idiot, who loved her deep from every organ of his’. She’s really unlucky to have missed him. Now, she will be living just as yet another girl in town. But he’d have taken care of her like a princess.

You know? Every year, on her birthday, he buys SARAKKU for old school friends. Today’s also her birthday. We all came to Pondicherry – Sarakku City. Evening party was ultimate. This divine sarakku only made me remember those days, feel for him and narrate this love story in detail.

Every soup boy's story is divine. Every soup boy is Godly. The heroine is always a Loser (of true love) .

P.S : Sarakku was extraordinary. 2 bottle Beer and 1 Half Whisky. Side-dish : Potato chips and Ravi’s Garlic Ooruga (pickle). Epic.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Hutch-u dog

Ei pulla, I am follow you. 
     With the title "Hutch-u dog" (Yes! I am talking about the same PUG that follows a cute little boy in Hutch a.k.a Vodafone advertisement), most of us would have come to an idea that this post will be based on one-side love. Yes, you are right. You people are  geniuses.! 
     Well, if you haven't guessed anything (in other words, you don't give a damn about this title) and have no idea about what this title has got to do with love and thought this post will be yet another crap. Then sorry for the disturbance. 
Read on and know what's this all about. Padikaama poneenga. Kondae puduvaen (If you don't read, i will kill you only) 
     I know! I know! That's too much of a build-up. Matter mokkaya irundha indha ariya kulandhaiyai mannikavum (If this content is boring, please do forgive this little baby)

One-Side Love
Aim:
            To correct a figure and get a permanent place in her heart.
Apparatus Required:
  • Car or bike or at least bicycle. Ada adhuvum illana nadandhu po ya (if that and also no na, then walk and go) 
  • Latest model phone ( I-phone preferable) 
  • Branded / Burma bazaar glass which is 100% original Fake.

Principle:
  • The amount of time you spend, going behind a girl is directly proportional to the amount of attraction you gain from her which is totally a myth. 
  • The amount of love you think that you have instated in her heart is actually equal to the amount of irritation she gets whenever she sees you or hears your name.

Story
           So far it was build-ups to fill the page like in a 16mark question and the actual content of this post starts here. All of this started years back when I was in school. One of my friends came to me with a huge secret and it went on like this...
(The english translation for words in Tamil are enclosed within brackets)
Friend: Machi, yaaru kitayum solladha da. Romba secret. (Dude! Don't ever tell this to anyone. Top secret) 
Me: Solla maataen da. Matter'a sollu. (i won't disclose it, trust me)
Friend: Mother promise? 
Me: Dei. mother promise da. yaru kitayum solla maataen. (Dude! I swear. I won't tell anyone) 
Friend: Machi, na Pooja'va love panraen da. (Dude! Am in love with Pooja)
Me: *Beep* double side'a machi? Treat eppo? (Wtf?! she accepted your proposal? When is the treat?)
Friend: One side dhan da. Innum propose pannala. (I haven't proposed yet)
Me: Machi, one side lov'vum. Tea kada bun'num onnu da. Morachu paathutae irundha yevanavadhu thookitu poiruvan. (Dude! one-side love and tea stall bread are the same. If you keep staring without buying someone will take it away) 
FYI. that was supposed to be a punch dialogue. With a punch being said, you should not do research on it. Just enjoy it.
Friend: Bayama iruku da. Pudikala nu sollita? (I'm scared. What if she rejects me?)
Me: Freeya vidu. Adhan na irukaen la, I will take the incharge of that. (chill! I'm there for you)
Friend: ok! What next?
Me: Ava pinnadiyae po. Enga ponalum vidadha. Nee love panradu avaluku therinja podhum, easy'a correct panniralam. (Follow her wherever she goes. Once she knows that you are behind her then she will surely fall for you)
Once a great philosopher said,

அஞ்சு மணிக்கு அலாரம் வெச்சு, அலாரம் அடிக்கறதுக்கு முன்னாடிஎழுந்து 
அடிக்கற அலாரம் மத்தவங்களுக்கு கேக்காம நிறுத்தி. 
அப்பா பாக்கெட்ல அஞ்சு பத்துனு ஆட்டைய போட்டுட்டு பைக் எடுத்துட்டு போனா, 
பைக் பாதில நிக்கும். சரின்னு பெட்ரோல் பங்குக்கு போயி அர லிட்டர் பெட்ரோல் போடுங்கன்னு சொன்னா அவன் நம்மல அசிங்கமா பார்ப்பான். அந்த அசிங்கதலாம் தாண்டி பஸ் ஸ்டாண்டுக்கு வந்தாஅங்க நம்மல விட பெர்சனாலிட்டியா ஒருத்தன் நிப்பான்! 
அப்படியே பக்குனு இருக்கும். . . . . . .
-திருவிளையாடல் ஆரம்பம்
   
     Saying that, our hero started with his daily life activity of following her like a HUTCH DOG i.e wherever she goes our hero will be following her (except to ladies toilet). The routine will be like, waking up early in the morning, getting ready and wait at her street corner for her to start to school. Following her, at a 10 feet distance like a body guard and after school's over, escorting her back to her place. During holidays he will be with his bicycle, roaming in her street 10-20 times a day just to see her if she comes outside her house by any chance. This routine happened for 2 years and by that time the girl very well knew about his intentions. Not only the girl, but also the whole school including the Principal knew about this and that's when he got suspended for a month.
     Finally after gaining some guts and rehearsing some 3478 times, he finally proposed her. It was not even close to the rehearsals in toilet. After stammering for about 10 mins, he said "I love you". She laughed at his stupidity, which for a moment he thought to be a sign of her acceptance. She said "It took you so long to tell this? Anyways, that doesn't matter. I don't love you. Stop disturbing me and get lost."
     He was heart-broken and decided not to disturb her for few years and get back to her after she finishes her college and at that time she might understand his love. Not even a month was over, she got committed with some other guy. And it became worse when they broke up and in no time she started going out with some other guy. He wasted his precious life for this "homely slut"? (once a wise man said "Ava aalu illa machi, ITEM")
     The biggest mistake I made was to encourage him just because I would get a treat when he corrects her.  I should have warned him saying, "She is not a homely girl, better you can avoid her" and helped him out of it.
     Not all girls are bad and at the same time it is difficult for everyone to find a GOOD girl. Shit happens! It's part of life.
Moral:
          Neither this story nor the girl in it has MORAL.


Editing Courtesy: The_Scribbler and Ted E Bear

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Girls (பெண்கள்)

As mentioned earlier, this post is about girls. The topic on "Girls" has been nondi nongu eduthufied (discussed) like a million times by thousands of people and not even a single person has ever come up with  any conclusion regarding this topic. 
Hot Girls (கிளுகிளுப்பான பெண்கள்)

Okay! Now I am gonna divide and analyse the geometry of algebra in the mind set of the girls.

When she is single
             It's easy to find out if a girl is single if she has the following traits
  1. She will act like Genelia (Haasini)  in Santhosh Subramaniam (always hyper and jumping here and there)
  2. She will always have a boy with her who is Friend-Zoned. 
  3. She gives less attention to her make-up. 
  4. She will eat anything and everything and never cares about her diet. 
  5. She shows attitude with strangers but deep inside the heart she expects people to look at her.
  6. When she knows about a guy having crush on her. She wants him to propose her badly and will try hard and make him propose, but chances of accepting his proposal are only 0.01%
When a guy goes behind her
             Every girl secretly wants to be loved but when it happens she will not be ready to accept it. Once again points potu neata alasuvom.
  1. The first thing she does will be to increase make-up and maintain proper diet (will turn super hot like the girls in the above pic)
  2. She gets close with the boy in the Friend-Zone (he might be expecting something else, but the truth is HE IS BEING USED)
  3. She makes new friends just to watch if the guy is coming behind her.
  4. Her activity in social networking sites increases exponentially. 
  5. She will get a new cat/dog and upload a minimum of 10 to 15 photos per day. 
  6. Treat the guy like a Hutch dog and make him follow her everywhere. 
When a girl falls in love
               Now when a girl falls in love (need not be the guy who proposed her) there will be a drastic change in her. Here I will list a few significant points based on experiments by scientists. 
  1. The importance to make-up reduces so does the diet. 
  2. All the boys she had in the Friend-Zone will be thrown out of her life. 
  3. She will remove all her photos from Facebook and have a pic of a baby or a flower as Display picture and it will be impossible to find her online.
  4. The dog/cat which she bought during the previous phase would now be replaced by her lover.
  5. She will pour too much of love on the guy and make him drown. At a extreme level, the love turns out to be torture.
  6. She limits her friend circle and never gets close with a girl hotter than her. 
I can go on and on but the topic will go endless. I want this post to be small and readable. So the other factors will be discussed later in future topics.

P.S. Not all girls are like this. Some are worse.